Ask Wynter: Too Hard to Let Go!

Hello Wynter,

I've been praying to God about a situation with my daughter's father, my heart really loves him and cares for him and I really wanna be with him and want us to get married and do things the right way in the Will Of God and I've been going through with so much guilt, pain, guilt, sorrow for a year and 5 months now. So I finally prayed to God to release this from me I want to let him go cause he holding me down and everyday im in my feelings about him and if he dont call or text me I'm sad and feeling down and depressed....I don't pray constantly like I should but I pray every night and at sometimes throughout the day that is an area I am weak in cause my mind is so focus and looking for God to do this for me and that for me. But on the inside I still really wanna be with him and I really deeply Love him.

By the looks of the situation with me and him seems like its not going to happen and ive been crying and hurting and chasing after him trying to mend what was broken and fix whatever the problem was but he doesn't show me any attention or want to talk to me about that, only about his daughter. I wanna keep on believeing in this situation will change and turn around and what I prayed for will happen if I keep holding On and pressing on and then I don't know if I should just really let go of it all, give up, and move on and if that's what I need to do I don't know how and its hindering me day by day.
> WHAT SHOULD I DO PLEASE HELP ME???

Marie
Houston, TX

Marie,

I appreciate the fact that you had the courage to reach out. I know what it's like to want something so badly that it clouds your focus and your judgment. I have been there.

It is natural to want something to work and to want your child's father to be a part of both of your lives, especially if you have history and you have experienced some good times together.  What you feel is quite normal. The problem comes when a person's actions begin to control your emotions. This is emotionally and spiritually dangerous. Remember the bible says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil. 4:6).  You have to begin to take your requests to God regarding your desire for the relationship.

Secondly, you have to take your hands off! If it is God's desire to bring you two together, He doesn't need your help. That is a lesson I have had to learn over and over again. You need to pray for what you desire and leave it alone in most cases. Stop concentrating on how to win his affection, or what you need to do or say to facilitate your interactions. God wants to know that we trust Him for our future.

So here's what you can do. Start out by taking time, by yourself to pray and/or cry out to God. Let it all out. Tell God your desires and ask Him for the help to let go. Every time you start to get anxious, or feel sad about something your ex did or did not do...say  out loud "Lord I trust you". When he sends you a text, good or bad...say out loud "Lord I trust you". This will help your mind get used to the idea of trusting your Heavenly Father.  You will also need to increase your prayer life during this difficult time. Nothing will help you get through the "quiet times" like prayer. The quiet times are when you are waiting for God to reveal his plan for you life.

While you are working on increasing your prayer life, reading your bible and trusting God, make sure you also spend time with some of your good friends. Do some things that you like to do. And while your hanging out, make sure he is not the focal point of the conversation. That usually generates negative thoughts or it forces you to keep your mind on the problem and not on God. You may find yourself really enjoying the "me time".  This doesn't mean that you won't still feel sad at times or wonder what He's doing, but it does mean that you won't be so preoccupied with him that you lose yourself in the process.

Learning to let go and let God is not an overnight process. It will require a daily effort on your part but it will be worth it. If your child's father does come around, you will be a stronger, happier, healthier woman when you reunite. If he doesn't come around, you will be a stronger, happier, healthier woman who is ready for whatever is ahead of you!

I will be in prayer with you as you persevere. God just wants us to trust Him. God bless you and keep me posted with your progress.

God Bless,
Wynter

Ask Wynter: Letting My Guard Down

Dear Wynter,
I’ve found myself in many relationships where I’ve been taken advantage of, lied to, etc. by the people I was the closest to- parents, my boyfriend, and most recently my best friend of 17 years. I never felt like this really affected other relationships in my life; but recently I realized that I haven’t gotten close to anyone for awhile now, and when I look at the big picture I know it’s because I’m afraid of letting people in out of fear of getting hurt. Sometimes I feel that it would be a lot easier to just keep to myself, but at the same time I don't want to miss out on any valuable relationships God may be trying to place in my life. I want to be open to new relationships, but it is becoming increasingly hard to let my guard down. What advice do you have for letting go of past hurts and being more trusting?

Ashley
Fort Lauderdale, FL

Dear Ashley,

It is very hard to deal with betrayal by the people closest to you. Many disappointments come on different levels throughout our lives, but nothing hurts worse than when it comes from the people that we love, and those that are supposed to love us in return.

The first thing you need to do is ask yourself: Have I forgiven this person who has hurt me? I mean, have you really allowed God to heal your pain? Before you can heal, you have got to forgive. Now, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean total relationship restoration. However, it does mean being able to love in spite of your pain, and be genuinely kind to your offender. If you have not forgiven, ask the Lord to allow you to fully forgive. You will know when you have forgiven because you will not feel weighed down by guilt and the joy of the Lord will be felt as an internal peace.

Secondly, you must ask God to heal you. He's your Father so you can be honest when you tell Him how you feel. Ask Him to take away your hurt and pain. He won’t necessarily take away the memory, but He can take away the pain from the memory. Ask Him to adjust your perspective so that you may understand why it had to happen.

While it’s hard to endure the hurt from loved ones, I’ve found that God uses the people closest to us for testing and pruning (Psalm 66:10). We have got to remember that it is our job to love and pray for those who despitefully use us, trusting in God to provide for our needs.

Although you have been hurt, it is not wise to live in fear because whether you realize it or not, refusing to allow anyone to get close to you is the manifestation of fear. The bible tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). You are right; operating in fear of being hurt could cause you to miss out on some great relationships that God is trying to bring into your life. You must begin to believe that every relationship; good or bad is divinely ordained and will all work together for you good. The bible tells us that the man who trusts in the Lord does not fear evil tidings but confidently trusts in the Lord for protection (Psalm 112:7).

Ashley, I pray and hope that you will allow God to heal your pain. I also pray that you will move beyond fear and begin to truly trust and depend on the Lord for guidance and protection in your life. I can testify that although you will experience pain in this life, He will never fail you nor forsake you (Joshua 1:5).

God Bless you,
Wynter

I Don't Want to Write a Blog!!

Not long ago as I began to discover my purpose and understand my mission in life, I began to seek the advice of a mentor with a similar passion. Essentially we both embrace a desire to help God's people reach their fullest potential. She had already written 2 books, created a website and was continually coaching others to success, so I deemed her to be a pretty credible resource.

One morning we met for breakfast and I explained some of the things that God had placed on my heart. Her immediate response was, "you should start a blog." One problem: what is a blog??  Now before you shake your head at me, let me explain. Although I had read plenty of blogs, I had no idea how to write one, no desire to write one, and hardly a real understanding of what it was to be a blogger. Tweeting was easy, but blogging?!

My initial response was, "I don't want to write a blog." Instead of asking the questions I needed to ask, or doing the research, my first reaction was fear of the unknown.  She explained that blogging was a great tool to touch exponentially more people than you could ever reach by writing a book or a speaking engagement. Even after the explanation I was still fearful and asked for alternative suggestions.

In reviewing my reaction, and my reluctantly to start a blog (I received the suggestion nearly a year ago); I realized I was operating in fear. I didn't want to try something new because of my ignorance on the topic and my fear of rejection. After much prayer, I decided to follow my mentor's advice. After all, it's just a blog right? Lol.

Seriously, I had to let fear go in order to experience something new. Who knows who I will be blessed to connect with, how much I'll learn, or who will be blessed simply because I put fear aside.

I believe that many times we turn down opportunities because of fear. We don't dare to try new things because of fear. How many times have you almost ordered that exotic dish at a restaurant only to change your mind for fear of disappointment? If we're honest, it happens to the best of us on many different levels.  I'm so glad that I was able to overcome my fear and share my thoughts with you. The bible says that God has not given us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power! (2 Tim 1:7) 

I challenge you to evaluate your areas of fear. What fear is holding you back from pursuing your dreams? What ideas are prohibiting you from trying something new? As people of the Most High God we must recognize fear and put it aside because fear does not come from God. God has empowered us all to succeed, however at times it will require entering into unknown territory and taking calculated risks. I am committed to abolishing fear in my life.

What are your thoughts?