Do You Have Followers or Witnesses?

Do you know your staunchest supporters? There are people in our lives who are only there to follow and watch what we do. They have their reasons and motives but would they be there when the chips are down? Most likely not in a way that would serve us all well.

A witness on the other hand is there to love you as unconditionally as possible; support your endeavors and keep you accountable to God almighty. A true witness is an exhorter whose only goal is to speak the truth in love in an effort to make you better. For some of us, that is a small circle of trustworthy friends.

The Bible states, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17) Essentially, this verse is stating that a friend of strength is to be desired in order to remain strong.

We’re going to have both followers and witnesses. Just be sure to know the difference and be grateful for the truth tellers in your life. They are the ones who know and protect you, precious pearl.

7 Attributes of God That You Should Desire in a Mate

A general focus on being a godly mate tends to look at specific marital roles. Women focus on what they can learn about being a godly wife and men focus on being a godly husband.  Most of us will say we want someone who loves God, but how often will we say that we want someone whose character matches the attributes of our Creator?

Review these attributes of God and consider how important they are in an earthly relationship.

1. God is not a liar or a flake. (Numbers 23:19)
2. God is patient. (Nehemiah 9:17)
3. God is joyful and has a sense of humor. (Genesis 21:6)
4.  God is the best provider. (Philippians 4:19)
5. God does not break His vows or commitments. (Psalm 89:24)
6.  God is good. (1 John 1:5)
7.  God is faithful. (Ps. 89:8)

There are many more attributes of God, but the seven above are the ones that make for a sustaining relationship of any kind – with a mate or family or even friends. Would a precious pearl want less for herself than what God wants for her?

God’s Gifts That Keep on Giving

Do you need to know if that potential mate or that business opportunity is from God? On the surface, that man or that new project appeals to your senses. That man is saying all of the right things and does a few good things. That business proposition offers a few answers to your prayers, mainly provision. However, is the man or the offer truly a gift from God? 

Below are some Bible verses that lend insight into God’s character through His giving. 

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

Meditation: God does not give a good and perfect gift that comes from God will never be a lesser version of what you desire and need. His gift will always be better than what you’ve requested. 

James 4:2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask.

 

Meditation: God does not require us to go out and get what we desire by any means necessary. You will not have to do anything wrong or think anything wrong to have the desires of your heart. Moreover, His gifts will not require you do anything that compromises your faith. 

Numbers 23:19 God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Meditation: God will never promise you anything and change His mind. He is perfectly incapable of lying to you or being flaky; why would He give you a gift that is a partial truth or that He intends on taking back? He wouldn’t. 

Psalm 85:12 Yes, the Lord will give what is good; and our land will yield its increase.

Meditation: God is the Perfect Giver. He gives gifts that will add to our lives and not take away.

God is sovereign, just and loving. He is above all, a magnificent Giver, who would not give you something that is imperfect to His plan for your life. If He believes you to be a precious pearl, then why would He give you anything unworthy of your stature in Him? He would not though we sometimes choose people and opportunities with the belief that He approves of those choices. Meditate on His Word to increase your discernment and your faith.

Call Her “Blessed”

Her children rise up and call her blessed … ~ Proverbs 31:28 NKJV

It is the rare woman who doesn’t appreciate a sincere compliment. There is something affirming about hearing that we are kind, smart, loving or even generous.

According to the Bible, the Proverbs 31 women’s children “rise up and call her blessed.” It’s pretty safe to say that there is something they see being modeled by their mother that demonstrates the life of a blessed woman. Could it be their gratitude for all that she does for their household? Maybe she is called blessed because of her attitude. Like those children we “rise up” and call or compliment people based on something we see in them and about them that we find delightful and inspiring.

What would make you call someone “blessed”? 

Do they always offer an encouraging and uplifting word? Do they treat others well and receive good treatment from the people who surround them? Do they model humility as in apologize when wrong as well as offer forgiveness when necessary?

A truly blessed woman will exude joy, kindness and patience – the fruit of the Spirit – and she will exude a security based on what she is being given by her God.  Moreover, if you call her ‘blessed,’ then you will affirm her and inspire her as well.

Are You Holding it All Together?

She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle. ~ Proverbs 31:19 NKJV

There is something admirable about the women who weave yarns, textiles and fabrics to take care of their families. They take an age old practice in some communities and countries and teach it to their daughters or the younger women in their families. Weaving can meet household needs as well as an income.

Interestingly, another definition of distaff is “of, relating to, or being a woman.” It applies to being the fiber or thread that holds it all together:  A woman.

So, are you holding it all together? Do you provide for your own well-being as you provide for the well-being of others? Are you taking care of you so that your daily stresses and obligations don’t wear you down?

The hope is that you answered ‘yes’ to every one of those questions. Some of you will answer ‘no.’

We can come become so caught up in managing the lives of those we love that we forget that we need to manage ourselves. The best way to turn a ‘no’ to those questions to a ‘yes’ is by making your well-being a priority. Exercise, eat well, sleep and rest and above all, nourish your spirit by spending time alone in God’s presence by reading and meditating on His word. 

Sisters, the best way to hold it all together for others is by insuring that you are holding it all together for you. 

God Bless,
Wynter 

Ask Wynter: How Can I Become More Lady-like?

Hello Wynter:

What I'm learning as I approach years 29 and 30 of my life is that for many young women, including myself, we were taught by our mothers how to be women (strong, independent, etc.) but not how to be ladies. What are some tools that I can use to take with me, or books that I can read, or materials that I can study that will teach me at this age how to adopt more lady-like behaviors. And quite frankly, is it too late to learn and adapt to such traits?

Dear Carmen:

Thank you so much for submitting such an authentic question that many young women often begin to ask themselves at this threshold in their lives. With influences ranging from family/friends to the images that we see daily in pop culture, womanhood is constantly under a microscope and continually being redefined. There is, however, one standard of womanhood that has remained persistent throughout the test of time and that is the Proverbs 31 woman. Click here to read the verses about the Proverbs 31 woman in their entirety. I mention this chapter because it’s one of the greatest tools that not only points us to how we can be more “lady-like”, but it also teaches us what God expects of us as women. The Proverbs 31 woman indicates that women should value and demonstrate the following characteristics: being moral, trustworthy, having the ability to make sound decisions, willing to work hard to increase her quality of life, she’s kind/giving, and she makes sure to consider the way that she presents herself in both looks and demeanor.  There is a quiet confidence that this woman possess, which may be quite the opposite of what we’re sometimes taught and see on a daily basis.

Beyond the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman, I highly suggest identifying women in your family, workplace, or your church who possess the characteristics that you’re working to develop. Consider their actions and what influenced them to become the women who they are today. In speaking with these women and learning their stories, you may discover that you already possess the things that you’re seeking.

I hope this helps. Always remember Psalm 139:14 "You are fearfully and wonderfully made!"


God Bless You,
Wynter Patterson

Ask Wynter: Too Hard to Let Go!

Hello Wynter,

I've been praying to God about a situation with my daughter's father, my heart really loves him and cares for him and I really wanna be with him and want us to get married and do things the right way in the Will Of God and I've been going through with so much guilt, pain, guilt, sorrow for a year and 5 months now. So I finally prayed to God to release this from me I want to let him go cause he holding me down and everyday im in my feelings about him and if he dont call or text me I'm sad and feeling down and depressed....I don't pray constantly like I should but I pray every night and at sometimes throughout the day that is an area I am weak in cause my mind is so focus and looking for God to do this for me and that for me. But on the inside I still really wanna be with him and I really deeply Love him.

By the looks of the situation with me and him seems like its not going to happen and ive been crying and hurting and chasing after him trying to mend what was broken and fix whatever the problem was but he doesn't show me any attention or want to talk to me about that, only about his daughter. I wanna keep on believeing in this situation will change and turn around and what I prayed for will happen if I keep holding On and pressing on and then I don't know if I should just really let go of it all, give up, and move on and if that's what I need to do I don't know how and its hindering me day by day.
> WHAT SHOULD I DO PLEASE HELP ME???

Marie
Houston, TX

Marie,

I appreciate the fact that you had the courage to reach out. I know what it's like to want something so badly that it clouds your focus and your judgment. I have been there.

It is natural to want something to work and to want your child's father to be a part of both of your lives, especially if you have history and you have experienced some good times together.  What you feel is quite normal. The problem comes when a person's actions begin to control your emotions. This is emotionally and spiritually dangerous. Remember the bible says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil. 4:6).  You have to begin to take your requests to God regarding your desire for the relationship.

Secondly, you have to take your hands off! If it is God's desire to bring you two together, He doesn't need your help. That is a lesson I have had to learn over and over again. You need to pray for what you desire and leave it alone in most cases. Stop concentrating on how to win his affection, or what you need to do or say to facilitate your interactions. God wants to know that we trust Him for our future.

So here's what you can do. Start out by taking time, by yourself to pray and/or cry out to God. Let it all out. Tell God your desires and ask Him for the help to let go. Every time you start to get anxious, or feel sad about something your ex did or did not do...say  out loud "Lord I trust you". When he sends you a text, good or bad...say out loud "Lord I trust you". This will help your mind get used to the idea of trusting your Heavenly Father.  You will also need to increase your prayer life during this difficult time. Nothing will help you get through the "quiet times" like prayer. The quiet times are when you are waiting for God to reveal his plan for you life.

While you are working on increasing your prayer life, reading your bible and trusting God, make sure you also spend time with some of your good friends. Do some things that you like to do. And while your hanging out, make sure he is not the focal point of the conversation. That usually generates negative thoughts or it forces you to keep your mind on the problem and not on God. You may find yourself really enjoying the "me time".  This doesn't mean that you won't still feel sad at times or wonder what He's doing, but it does mean that you won't be so preoccupied with him that you lose yourself in the process.

Learning to let go and let God is not an overnight process. It will require a daily effort on your part but it will be worth it. If your child's father does come around, you will be a stronger, happier, healthier woman when you reunite. If he doesn't come around, you will be a stronger, happier, healthier woman who is ready for whatever is ahead of you!

I will be in prayer with you as you persevere. God just wants us to trust Him. God bless you and keep me posted with your progress.

God Bless,
Wynter

Ask Wynter: Letting My Guard Down

Dear Wynter,
I’ve found myself in many relationships where I’ve been taken advantage of, lied to, etc. by the people I was the closest to- parents, my boyfriend, and most recently my best friend of 17 years. I never felt like this really affected other relationships in my life; but recently I realized that I haven’t gotten close to anyone for awhile now, and when I look at the big picture I know it’s because I’m afraid of letting people in out of fear of getting hurt. Sometimes I feel that it would be a lot easier to just keep to myself, but at the same time I don't want to miss out on any valuable relationships God may be trying to place in my life. I want to be open to new relationships, but it is becoming increasingly hard to let my guard down. What advice do you have for letting go of past hurts and being more trusting?

Ashley
Fort Lauderdale, FL

Dear Ashley,

It is very hard to deal with betrayal by the people closest to you. Many disappointments come on different levels throughout our lives, but nothing hurts worse than when it comes from the people that we love, and those that are supposed to love us in return.

The first thing you need to do is ask yourself: Have I forgiven this person who has hurt me? I mean, have you really allowed God to heal your pain? Before you can heal, you have got to forgive. Now, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean total relationship restoration. However, it does mean being able to love in spite of your pain, and be genuinely kind to your offender. If you have not forgiven, ask the Lord to allow you to fully forgive. You will know when you have forgiven because you will not feel weighed down by guilt and the joy of the Lord will be felt as an internal peace.

Secondly, you must ask God to heal you. He's your Father so you can be honest when you tell Him how you feel. Ask Him to take away your hurt and pain. He won’t necessarily take away the memory, but He can take away the pain from the memory. Ask Him to adjust your perspective so that you may understand why it had to happen.

While it’s hard to endure the hurt from loved ones, I’ve found that God uses the people closest to us for testing and pruning (Psalm 66:10). We have got to remember that it is our job to love and pray for those who despitefully use us, trusting in God to provide for our needs.

Although you have been hurt, it is not wise to live in fear because whether you realize it or not, refusing to allow anyone to get close to you is the manifestation of fear. The bible tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). You are right; operating in fear of being hurt could cause you to miss out on some great relationships that God is trying to bring into your life. You must begin to believe that every relationship; good or bad is divinely ordained and will all work together for you good. The bible tells us that the man who trusts in the Lord does not fear evil tidings but confidently trusts in the Lord for protection (Psalm 112:7).

Ashley, I pray and hope that you will allow God to heal your pain. I also pray that you will move beyond fear and begin to truly trust and depend on the Lord for guidance and protection in your life. I can testify that although you will experience pain in this life, He will never fail you nor forsake you (Joshua 1:5).

God Bless you,
Wynter

Ask Wynter: I Feel Like Something is Missing

 My name is Melissa..I want to know how do I truly find out what my purpose in life is and How does one truly obtain happiness..God has truly blessed me..but I keep coming back to a place of unhappiness..feeling lonely and feeling like something is missing..thank you so much for taking out the time to read this email...I would love to hear back from you..thank you..

Dear Melissa,

I am so glad that you decided to write. You are at a familiar place for most people in the world. Most people would agree that at some point, if not at this very moment, they have found themselves in a place of wanting to understand their purpose.   That is probably the reason why you feel what I call “spiritual unrest”, like something is missing. I remember feeling exactly what you are describing so I can truly relate. This is actually a great place to be because it opens the door to so many new things and experiences that will eventually shape your existence.

In the quest to understand your purpose there are several things you should do. First, spend time in fasting and prayer.  Pray with fasting gives you clarity like nothing else. Make the focus of your prayers during that time period on understanding your purpose. Write down everything that the Lord shares with you and any signs, conversations, revelations that you discover during this time period.

Secondly, take a personal inventory. This is key in uncovering your purpose.  Write down any problem that burdens your heart in the world, what group of people does your heart bleed for, what gift or talents do you have, what have you overcome? By journaling about these things you can get closer to understanding your purpose. You can find a more detailed account of this practice and others who have been where you are by reading “I Am a Pearl”, chapters 4 and 5 deal with understanding your purpose.

As with anything that is of great importance, you must take these tasks very seriously and continually pray for guidance. Once you believe you have discovered your purpose, get a mentor and get busy! You have work to do!

Continue to seek God for answers and trust that He will not fail you. He desires to see you fulfill His purpose so He will help you on your path to discovery. I am praying for you and I hope to receive a praise report from you soon. God loves you and He desires to use you in a major way!

God Bless You,

Wynter