Ask Wynter: Too Hard to Let Go!

Hello Wynter,

I've been praying to God about a situation with my daughter's father, my heart really loves him and cares for him and I really wanna be with him and want us to get married and do things the right way in the Will Of God and I've been going through with so much guilt, pain, guilt, sorrow for a year and 5 months now. So I finally prayed to God to release this from me I want to let him go cause he holding me down and everyday im in my feelings about him and if he dont call or text me I'm sad and feeling down and depressed....I don't pray constantly like I should but I pray every night and at sometimes throughout the day that is an area I am weak in cause my mind is so focus and looking for God to do this for me and that for me. But on the inside I still really wanna be with him and I really deeply Love him.

By the looks of the situation with me and him seems like its not going to happen and ive been crying and hurting and chasing after him trying to mend what was broken and fix whatever the problem was but he doesn't show me any attention or want to talk to me about that, only about his daughter. I wanna keep on believeing in this situation will change and turn around and what I prayed for will happen if I keep holding On and pressing on and then I don't know if I should just really let go of it all, give up, and move on and if that's what I need to do I don't know how and its hindering me day by day.
> WHAT SHOULD I DO PLEASE HELP ME???

Marie
Houston, TX

Marie,

I appreciate the fact that you had the courage to reach out. I know what it's like to want something so badly that it clouds your focus and your judgment. I have been there.

It is natural to want something to work and to want your child's father to be a part of both of your lives, especially if you have history and you have experienced some good times together.  What you feel is quite normal. The problem comes when a person's actions begin to control your emotions. This is emotionally and spiritually dangerous. Remember the bible says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil. 4:6).  You have to begin to take your requests to God regarding your desire for the relationship.

Secondly, you have to take your hands off! If it is God's desire to bring you two together, He doesn't need your help. That is a lesson I have had to learn over and over again. You need to pray for what you desire and leave it alone in most cases. Stop concentrating on how to win his affection, or what you need to do or say to facilitate your interactions. God wants to know that we trust Him for our future.

So here's what you can do. Start out by taking time, by yourself to pray and/or cry out to God. Let it all out. Tell God your desires and ask Him for the help to let go. Every time you start to get anxious, or feel sad about something your ex did or did not do...say  out loud "Lord I trust you". When he sends you a text, good or bad...say out loud "Lord I trust you". This will help your mind get used to the idea of trusting your Heavenly Father.  You will also need to increase your prayer life during this difficult time. Nothing will help you get through the "quiet times" like prayer. The quiet times are when you are waiting for God to reveal his plan for you life.

While you are working on increasing your prayer life, reading your bible and trusting God, make sure you also spend time with some of your good friends. Do some things that you like to do. And while your hanging out, make sure he is not the focal point of the conversation. That usually generates negative thoughts or it forces you to keep your mind on the problem and not on God. You may find yourself really enjoying the "me time".  This doesn't mean that you won't still feel sad at times or wonder what He's doing, but it does mean that you won't be so preoccupied with him that you lose yourself in the process.

Learning to let go and let God is not an overnight process. It will require a daily effort on your part but it will be worth it. If your child's father does come around, you will be a stronger, happier, healthier woman when you reunite. If he doesn't come around, you will be a stronger, happier, healthier woman who is ready for whatever is ahead of you!

I will be in prayer with you as you persevere. God just wants us to trust Him. God bless you and keep me posted with your progress.

God Bless,
Wynter

Ask Wynter: Heartbreak

I was in a four year relationship that just recently ended. I have been going through a lot of emotional pain and crying a lot. How do I get back to the woman that God created me to be? How do i get my self-esteem and confidence back? How do I get through the pain of it all without feel like im going to fall apart? Thank you.

Shayla
Houston, TX

Dear Shayla,

Thank you for submitting your question. I know that you are in the midst of, what feels like, a major whirlwind in your life. It’s truly just that, a whirlwind.  By definition a whirlwind is “a small rotating windstorm of limited extent”. This is not to say that what you’re currently enduring is small. I too was wounded by and recovered from a painful heart break as I mentioned in my book, I Am a Pearl: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Her Pain, Process, and Purpose. But this is to say that no matter how painful, destructive, and violent a whirlwind is, it is still limited and temporary. The tears, the pain, the brokenness, and the self-doubt are all temporary. The things that we feel in moments of confusion and pain are like whirlwinds that manifest themselves but for a moment before we limit them by allowing the power of God to permeate in our lives.

You questioned how you can get back to the woman that God created you to be, but I believe that in this moment you are getting closer to being everything that God called you to be. The Bible reads in James Chapter 1 to “consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I believe that in this moment in your life God is producing wisdom, strength, perseverance, and a heart of compassion in you that will minister to lives of other women who may be going through similar trials.

During this time you should commit to replacing the time that you spent on that relationship with things that will help you get back to your first love, God. Read God’s word more, connect with Him through prayer, join a ministry at church if you’re not yet serving, fast for understanding, and commit to doing something for yourself that may have been inhibited by that relationship. Get back to God and He will move in a way that you have never before experienced. Fill those voided spaces in your heart with Him and watch Him move in a tremendous way in your life. The Bible says in Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” He will add peace unto you, purpose unto you, understanding unto you, and all that you need to be who He created you to be if you just devote yourself to Him at this time. I hope that this message blessed you. I truly believe that you have a new beginning on the horizon. Continue to seek Him!

God Bless You,
Wynter