Do You Have Followers or Witnesses?

Do you know your staunchest supporters? There are people in our lives who are only there to follow and watch what we do. They have their reasons and motives but would they be there when the chips are down? Most likely not in a way that would serve us all well.

A witness on the other hand is there to love you as unconditionally as possible; support your endeavors and keep you accountable to God almighty. A true witness is an exhorter whose only goal is to speak the truth in love in an effort to make you better. For some of us, that is a small circle of trustworthy friends.

The Bible states, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17) Essentially, this verse is stating that a friend of strength is to be desired in order to remain strong.

We’re going to have both followers and witnesses. Just be sure to know the difference and be grateful for the truth tellers in your life. They are the ones who know and protect you, precious pearl.

Thanksgiving Message: Grateful Today, Blessed Tomorrow

“Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.”

Psalm 107: 1 NKJV

“Whoever is wise will observe these things,
And they will understand the lovingkindness of the Lord.”

Psalm 107: 43 NKJV

The story we’ve been told about the first Thanksgiving Day is that the Pilgrims held a celebratory communal meal out of gratitude to God for deliverance from religious persecution. They celebrated freedom in the new land. It’s fair to say that those prayers of thanksgiving rendered hundreds of years ago continue to bless us today.

King David wrote, “Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.” No truer words were ever spoken in light of the first thanksgiving celebration to the one we will celebrate this year. God’s mercy is eternal and an irrevocable promise that we should delight in receiving. 

In giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day and on any day of the year, we are essentially insuring blessings that will come in the future or tomorrow. A spirit of praise and gratitude is a blessing in and of itself. Think of it as a gift that keeps on giving: infectious, inspiring and insightful.

The end of Psalm 107, verse forty-three, states “Whoever is wise will observe these things, and they will understand the lovingkindness of the Lord.” Mind you there are 41 verses between the first and the last, each filled with wise instruction and insight into the character of God. Yet, it is the first and last verses that should give the most assurance about the fruit of thanksgiving, and understanding a loving, kind God who longs to bless us always.

Blessings to you and yours this Thanksgiving Day. Please know that I am grateful for you.

7 Attributes of God That You Should Desire in a Mate

A general focus on being a godly mate tends to look at specific marital roles. Women focus on what they can learn about being a godly wife and men focus on being a godly husband.  Most of us will say we want someone who loves God, but how often will we say that we want someone whose character matches the attributes of our Creator?

Review these attributes of God and consider how important they are in an earthly relationship.

1. God is not a liar or a flake. (Numbers 23:19)
2. God is patient. (Nehemiah 9:17)
3. God is joyful and has a sense of humor. (Genesis 21:6)
4.  God is the best provider. (Philippians 4:19)
5. God does not break His vows or commitments. (Psalm 89:24)
6.  God is good. (1 John 1:5)
7.  God is faithful. (Ps. 89:8)

There are many more attributes of God, but the seven above are the ones that make for a sustaining relationship of any kind – with a mate or family or even friends. Would a precious pearl want less for herself than what God wants for her?

God’s Gifts That Keep on Giving

Do you need to know if that potential mate or that business opportunity is from God? On the surface, that man or that new project appeals to your senses. That man is saying all of the right things and does a few good things. That business proposition offers a few answers to your prayers, mainly provision. However, is the man or the offer truly a gift from God? 

Below are some Bible verses that lend insight into God’s character through His giving. 

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

Meditation: God does not give a good and perfect gift that comes from God will never be a lesser version of what you desire and need. His gift will always be better than what you’ve requested. 

James 4:2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask.

 

Meditation: God does not require us to go out and get what we desire by any means necessary. You will not have to do anything wrong or think anything wrong to have the desires of your heart. Moreover, His gifts will not require you do anything that compromises your faith. 

Numbers 23:19 God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Meditation: God will never promise you anything and change His mind. He is perfectly incapable of lying to you or being flaky; why would He give you a gift that is a partial truth or that He intends on taking back? He wouldn’t. 

Psalm 85:12 Yes, the Lord will give what is good; and our land will yield its increase.

Meditation: God is the Perfect Giver. He gives gifts that will add to our lives and not take away.

God is sovereign, just and loving. He is above all, a magnificent Giver, who would not give you something that is imperfect to His plan for your life. If He believes you to be a precious pearl, then why would He give you anything unworthy of your stature in Him? He would not though we sometimes choose people and opportunities with the belief that He approves of those choices. Meditate on His Word to increase your discernment and your faith.

Call Her “Blessed”

Her children rise up and call her blessed … ~ Proverbs 31:28 NKJV

It is the rare woman who doesn’t appreciate a sincere compliment. There is something affirming about hearing that we are kind, smart, loving or even generous.

According to the Bible, the Proverbs 31 women’s children “rise up and call her blessed.” It’s pretty safe to say that there is something they see being modeled by their mother that demonstrates the life of a blessed woman. Could it be their gratitude for all that she does for their household? Maybe she is called blessed because of her attitude. Like those children we “rise up” and call or compliment people based on something we see in them and about them that we find delightful and inspiring.

What would make you call someone “blessed”? 

Do they always offer an encouraging and uplifting word? Do they treat others well and receive good treatment from the people who surround them? Do they model humility as in apologize when wrong as well as offer forgiveness when necessary?

A truly blessed woman will exude joy, kindness and patience – the fruit of the Spirit – and she will exude a security based on what she is being given by her God.  Moreover, if you call her ‘blessed,’ then you will affirm her and inspire her as well.

Are You Holding it All Together?

She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle. ~ Proverbs 31:19 NKJV

There is something admirable about the women who weave yarns, textiles and fabrics to take care of their families. They take an age old practice in some communities and countries and teach it to their daughters or the younger women in their families. Weaving can meet household needs as well as an income.

Interestingly, another definition of distaff is “of, relating to, or being a woman.” It applies to being the fiber or thread that holds it all together:  A woman.

So, are you holding it all together? Do you provide for your own well-being as you provide for the well-being of others? Are you taking care of you so that your daily stresses and obligations don’t wear you down?

The hope is that you answered ‘yes’ to every one of those questions. Some of you will answer ‘no.’

We can come become so caught up in managing the lives of those we love that we forget that we need to manage ourselves. The best way to turn a ‘no’ to those questions to a ‘yes’ is by making your well-being a priority. Exercise, eat well, sleep and rest and above all, nourish your spirit by spending time alone in God’s presence by reading and meditating on His word. 

Sisters, the best way to hold it all together for others is by insuring that you are holding it all together for you. 

God Bless,
Wynter 

Diamonds and Pearls: The Appreciation of a Woman's Worth - November 2, 2013

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Diamonds and Pearls: The Appreciation of a Woman’s Worth

A Night of Honor

Join us as we honor 10 selfless powerhouses who embody the More Than A Rib Mission, Philosophy, and Vision.( Jalene Mack, Jurodell Brown Banks, Thecia Jenkins, Lakisha Antoine, Dr. Carlin Barnes, Sharon and Ashley Cheatham, Wynter Patterson, and Donna Franklin)

A Night of Literature

This event will also serve as the official More Than A Rib book release event (authors Varion “Se7en The Poet” Howard and Rickie Chaffold)

A Night of  Art

Featuring performances by Tony Henry, Se7en, Joseph Palmore, Nikki The Kidd, Khalid and the eclectic art of Crystal Dotson Laboy

A Night of Giving

We will be accepting donation as there are cost to continue to provide quality products and events to the community. All proceeds and donations for the night will go the ARN GROUP LLC DBA More Than A Rib.

This event is to be held at Houston Museum of African American Culture, 4807 Caroline Street Houston, Texas 77004, on Saturday evening November 2, 2013, from 6:00 p.m. until 10:00 p.m. This evening of celebration, honor, literature, art, and giving will be the official kick off the More Than  A Rib movement, which will support future literature, life and cognitive skills training  and other community events.

Go to morethanarib.com for contact details, review copies, booking and interviews.

Serve Where You Are

She extends her hand to the poor, yes; she reaches out her hands to the needy. ~ Proverbs 31:20 NKJV

Isn’t it interesting that there is a distinction made in Proverbs 31:20 between the poor and the needy? Our general understanding would lead us to believe that they are one in the same. In truth, these are two distinct categories of service. A needy person is not always poor; they are lacking something they need whether tangible or in the form of support.

In 2013, the Proverbs 31 woman is most likely given to view her service as a function of church duty and it is great. After all, there are many needs to be served in a church building. However, the truth is service opportunities live next door and across the street; in the next cubicle or two seats over in the board room. More truth: Our service is a part of our lifestyle as followers of Jesus. 

Some of the most beautiful testimonies of service are born of opportunities right where we are, whether at home or work or at school or even sitting in a pew. There is a woman who needs a job and an elderly woman across the street that cannot always wait for visiting relatives to help her with household chores or to take her to the grocery store. Maybe that woman who has been coming to work later and later simply needs a resource that you have to help her with childcare or caring for an ailing parent. 

Sisters, keep your hands open and your heart prepared to serve right where you are. God is always glorified in a lifestyle that includes that kind of quiet giving. 

God Bless,
Wynter 

Ask Wynter: How Can I Become More Lady-like?

Hello Wynter:

What I'm learning as I approach years 29 and 30 of my life is that for many young women, including myself, we were taught by our mothers how to be women (strong, independent, etc.) but not how to be ladies. What are some tools that I can use to take with me, or books that I can read, or materials that I can study that will teach me at this age how to adopt more lady-like behaviors. And quite frankly, is it too late to learn and adapt to such traits?

Dear Carmen:

Thank you so much for submitting such an authentic question that many young women often begin to ask themselves at this threshold in their lives. With influences ranging from family/friends to the images that we see daily in pop culture, womanhood is constantly under a microscope and continually being redefined. There is, however, one standard of womanhood that has remained persistent throughout the test of time and that is the Proverbs 31 woman. Click here to read the verses about the Proverbs 31 woman in their entirety. I mention this chapter because it’s one of the greatest tools that not only points us to how we can be more “lady-like”, but it also teaches us what God expects of us as women. The Proverbs 31 woman indicates that women should value and demonstrate the following characteristics: being moral, trustworthy, having the ability to make sound decisions, willing to work hard to increase her quality of life, she’s kind/giving, and she makes sure to consider the way that she presents herself in both looks and demeanor.  There is a quiet confidence that this woman possess, which may be quite the opposite of what we’re sometimes taught and see on a daily basis.

Beyond the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman, I highly suggest identifying women in your family, workplace, or your church who possess the characteristics that you’re working to develop. Consider their actions and what influenced them to become the women who they are today. In speaking with these women and learning their stories, you may discover that you already possess the things that you’re seeking.

I hope this helps. Always remember Psalm 139:14 "You are fearfully and wonderfully made!"


God Bless You,
Wynter Patterson

Ask Wynter: Too Hard to Let Go!

Hello Wynter,

I've been praying to God about a situation with my daughter's father, my heart really loves him and cares for him and I really wanna be with him and want us to get married and do things the right way in the Will Of God and I've been going through with so much guilt, pain, guilt, sorrow for a year and 5 months now. So I finally prayed to God to release this from me I want to let him go cause he holding me down and everyday im in my feelings about him and if he dont call or text me I'm sad and feeling down and depressed....I don't pray constantly like I should but I pray every night and at sometimes throughout the day that is an area I am weak in cause my mind is so focus and looking for God to do this for me and that for me. But on the inside I still really wanna be with him and I really deeply Love him.

By the looks of the situation with me and him seems like its not going to happen and ive been crying and hurting and chasing after him trying to mend what was broken and fix whatever the problem was but he doesn't show me any attention or want to talk to me about that, only about his daughter. I wanna keep on believeing in this situation will change and turn around and what I prayed for will happen if I keep holding On and pressing on and then I don't know if I should just really let go of it all, give up, and move on and if that's what I need to do I don't know how and its hindering me day by day.
> WHAT SHOULD I DO PLEASE HELP ME???

Marie
Houston, TX

Marie,

I appreciate the fact that you had the courage to reach out. I know what it's like to want something so badly that it clouds your focus and your judgment. I have been there.

It is natural to want something to work and to want your child's father to be a part of both of your lives, especially if you have history and you have experienced some good times together.  What you feel is quite normal. The problem comes when a person's actions begin to control your emotions. This is emotionally and spiritually dangerous. Remember the bible says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil. 4:6).  You have to begin to take your requests to God regarding your desire for the relationship.

Secondly, you have to take your hands off! If it is God's desire to bring you two together, He doesn't need your help. That is a lesson I have had to learn over and over again. You need to pray for what you desire and leave it alone in most cases. Stop concentrating on how to win his affection, or what you need to do or say to facilitate your interactions. God wants to know that we trust Him for our future.

So here's what you can do. Start out by taking time, by yourself to pray and/or cry out to God. Let it all out. Tell God your desires and ask Him for the help to let go. Every time you start to get anxious, or feel sad about something your ex did or did not do...say  out loud "Lord I trust you". When he sends you a text, good or bad...say out loud "Lord I trust you". This will help your mind get used to the idea of trusting your Heavenly Father.  You will also need to increase your prayer life during this difficult time. Nothing will help you get through the "quiet times" like prayer. The quiet times are when you are waiting for God to reveal his plan for you life.

While you are working on increasing your prayer life, reading your bible and trusting God, make sure you also spend time with some of your good friends. Do some things that you like to do. And while your hanging out, make sure he is not the focal point of the conversation. That usually generates negative thoughts or it forces you to keep your mind on the problem and not on God. You may find yourself really enjoying the "me time".  This doesn't mean that you won't still feel sad at times or wonder what He's doing, but it does mean that you won't be so preoccupied with him that you lose yourself in the process.

Learning to let go and let God is not an overnight process. It will require a daily effort on your part but it will be worth it. If your child's father does come around, you will be a stronger, happier, healthier woman when you reunite. If he doesn't come around, you will be a stronger, happier, healthier woman who is ready for whatever is ahead of you!

I will be in prayer with you as you persevere. God just wants us to trust Him. God bless you and keep me posted with your progress.

God Bless,
Wynter

Ask Wynter: Heartbreak

I was in a four year relationship that just recently ended. I have been going through a lot of emotional pain and crying a lot. How do I get back to the woman that God created me to be? How do i get my self-esteem and confidence back? How do I get through the pain of it all without feel like im going to fall apart? Thank you.

Shayla
Houston, TX

Dear Shayla,

Thank you for submitting your question. I know that you are in the midst of, what feels like, a major whirlwind in your life. It’s truly just that, a whirlwind.  By definition a whirlwind is “a small rotating windstorm of limited extent”. This is not to say that what you’re currently enduring is small. I too was wounded by and recovered from a painful heart break as I mentioned in my book, I Am a Pearl: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Her Pain, Process, and Purpose. But this is to say that no matter how painful, destructive, and violent a whirlwind is, it is still limited and temporary. The tears, the pain, the brokenness, and the self-doubt are all temporary. The things that we feel in moments of confusion and pain are like whirlwinds that manifest themselves but for a moment before we limit them by allowing the power of God to permeate in our lives.

You questioned how you can get back to the woman that God created you to be, but I believe that in this moment you are getting closer to being everything that God called you to be. The Bible reads in James Chapter 1 to “consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I believe that in this moment in your life God is producing wisdom, strength, perseverance, and a heart of compassion in you that will minister to lives of other women who may be going through similar trials.

During this time you should commit to replacing the time that you spent on that relationship with things that will help you get back to your first love, God. Read God’s word more, connect with Him through prayer, join a ministry at church if you’re not yet serving, fast for understanding, and commit to doing something for yourself that may have been inhibited by that relationship. Get back to God and He will move in a way that you have never before experienced. Fill those voided spaces in your heart with Him and watch Him move in a tremendous way in your life. The Bible says in Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” He will add peace unto you, purpose unto you, understanding unto you, and all that you need to be who He created you to be if you just devote yourself to Him at this time. I hope that this message blessed you. I truly believe that you have a new beginning on the horizon. Continue to seek Him!

God Bless You,
Wynter