Ask Wynter: Heartbreak

I was in a four year relationship that just recently ended. I have been going through a lot of emotional pain and crying a lot. How do I get back to the woman that God created me to be? How do i get my self-esteem and confidence back? How do I get through the pain of it all without feel like im going to fall apart? Thank you.

Shayla
Houston, TX

Dear Shayla,

Thank you for submitting your question. I know that you are in the midst of, what feels like, a major whirlwind in your life. It’s truly just that, a whirlwind.  By definition a whirlwind is “a small rotating windstorm of limited extent”. This is not to say that what you’re currently enduring is small. I too was wounded by and recovered from a painful heart break as I mentioned in my book, I Am a Pearl: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Her Pain, Process, and Purpose. But this is to say that no matter how painful, destructive, and violent a whirlwind is, it is still limited and temporary. The tears, the pain, the brokenness, and the self-doubt are all temporary. The things that we feel in moments of confusion and pain are like whirlwinds that manifest themselves but for a moment before we limit them by allowing the power of God to permeate in our lives.

You questioned how you can get back to the woman that God created you to be, but I believe that in this moment you are getting closer to being everything that God called you to be. The Bible reads in James Chapter 1 to “consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I believe that in this moment in your life God is producing wisdom, strength, perseverance, and a heart of compassion in you that will minister to lives of other women who may be going through similar trials.

During this time you should commit to replacing the time that you spent on that relationship with things that will help you get back to your first love, God. Read God’s word more, connect with Him through prayer, join a ministry at church if you’re not yet serving, fast for understanding, and commit to doing something for yourself that may have been inhibited by that relationship. Get back to God and He will move in a way that you have never before experienced. Fill those voided spaces in your heart with Him and watch Him move in a tremendous way in your life. The Bible says in Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” He will add peace unto you, purpose unto you, understanding unto you, and all that you need to be who He created you to be if you just devote yourself to Him at this time. I hope that this message blessed you. I truly believe that you have a new beginning on the horizon. Continue to seek Him!

God Bless You,
Wynter

Ask Wynter: Letting My Guard Down

Dear Wynter,
I’ve found myself in many relationships where I’ve been taken advantage of, lied to, etc. by the people I was the closest to- parents, my boyfriend, and most recently my best friend of 17 years. I never felt like this really affected other relationships in my life; but recently I realized that I haven’t gotten close to anyone for awhile now, and when I look at the big picture I know it’s because I’m afraid of letting people in out of fear of getting hurt. Sometimes I feel that it would be a lot easier to just keep to myself, but at the same time I don't want to miss out on any valuable relationships God may be trying to place in my life. I want to be open to new relationships, but it is becoming increasingly hard to let my guard down. What advice do you have for letting go of past hurts and being more trusting?

Ashley
Fort Lauderdale, FL

Dear Ashley,

It is very hard to deal with betrayal by the people closest to you. Many disappointments come on different levels throughout our lives, but nothing hurts worse than when it comes from the people that we love, and those that are supposed to love us in return.

The first thing you need to do is ask yourself: Have I forgiven this person who has hurt me? I mean, have you really allowed God to heal your pain? Before you can heal, you have got to forgive. Now, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean total relationship restoration. However, it does mean being able to love in spite of your pain, and be genuinely kind to your offender. If you have not forgiven, ask the Lord to allow you to fully forgive. You will know when you have forgiven because you will not feel weighed down by guilt and the joy of the Lord will be felt as an internal peace.

Secondly, you must ask God to heal you. He's your Father so you can be honest when you tell Him how you feel. Ask Him to take away your hurt and pain. He won’t necessarily take away the memory, but He can take away the pain from the memory. Ask Him to adjust your perspective so that you may understand why it had to happen.

While it’s hard to endure the hurt from loved ones, I’ve found that God uses the people closest to us for testing and pruning (Psalm 66:10). We have got to remember that it is our job to love and pray for those who despitefully use us, trusting in God to provide for our needs.

Although you have been hurt, it is not wise to live in fear because whether you realize it or not, refusing to allow anyone to get close to you is the manifestation of fear. The bible tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). You are right; operating in fear of being hurt could cause you to miss out on some great relationships that God is trying to bring into your life. You must begin to believe that every relationship; good or bad is divinely ordained and will all work together for you good. The bible tells us that the man who trusts in the Lord does not fear evil tidings but confidently trusts in the Lord for protection (Psalm 112:7).

Ashley, I pray and hope that you will allow God to heal your pain. I also pray that you will move beyond fear and begin to truly trust and depend on the Lord for guidance and protection in your life. I can testify that although you will experience pain in this life, He will never fail you nor forsake you (Joshua 1:5).

God Bless you,
Wynter

Ask Wynter: I Feel Like Something is Missing

 My name is Melissa..I want to know how do I truly find out what my purpose in life is and How does one truly obtain happiness..God has truly blessed me..but I keep coming back to a place of unhappiness..feeling lonely and feeling like something is missing..thank you so much for taking out the time to read this email...I would love to hear back from you..thank you..

Dear Melissa,

I am so glad that you decided to write. You are at a familiar place for most people in the world. Most people would agree that at some point, if not at this very moment, they have found themselves in a place of wanting to understand their purpose.   That is probably the reason why you feel what I call “spiritual unrest”, like something is missing. I remember feeling exactly what you are describing so I can truly relate. This is actually a great place to be because it opens the door to so many new things and experiences that will eventually shape your existence.

In the quest to understand your purpose there are several things you should do. First, spend time in fasting and prayer.  Pray with fasting gives you clarity like nothing else. Make the focus of your prayers during that time period on understanding your purpose. Write down everything that the Lord shares with you and any signs, conversations, revelations that you discover during this time period.

Secondly, take a personal inventory. This is key in uncovering your purpose.  Write down any problem that burdens your heart in the world, what group of people does your heart bleed for, what gift or talents do you have, what have you overcome? By journaling about these things you can get closer to understanding your purpose. You can find a more detailed account of this practice and others who have been where you are by reading “I Am a Pearl”, chapters 4 and 5 deal with understanding your purpose.

As with anything that is of great importance, you must take these tasks very seriously and continually pray for guidance. Once you believe you have discovered your purpose, get a mentor and get busy! You have work to do!

Continue to seek God for answers and trust that He will not fail you. He desires to see you fulfill His purpose so He will help you on your path to discovery. I am praying for you and I hope to receive a praise report from you soon. God loves you and He desires to use you in a major way!

God Bless You,

Wynter

Ask Wynter: Finding My Purpose

Hello Wynter, I saw you this morning on Debra Duncan's show...and by the way, Congrats on engagement! My question to you is, how do you find your true calling in life? I have been on the same job for 20 years and I am not happy at all. Financially I am no better off than 10 years ago. I have strong feeling that I am suppose to be doing something else, I've prayed and prayed and prayed and I get no answers.

 My family and friends say that I am a people person and that whatever I do; I should be in customer service. I manage a rental car company in Houston and so I'm dealing with customers all the time and although I do have a relationship with most of them, it's not something I'm just dying to keep doing!! How do I get direction in life, I feel so lost and about ready to give up on trying to do more. Again, I do pray and my prayers are not being answered.

Sheba, Houston, TX

Dear Sheba,

You are not alone; I too have struggled with understanding my purpose in the past. In fact, I believe that nearly every Christian at some point will question exactly what they were put on earth to do; especially when we understand that everything that God creates has purpose.

Don’t give up! Believe it or not you’re at a great place. The uneasiness in your spirit about your current situation is indicative that there is something greater for you.

Your purpose is tied to your passion. My advice to you is to continue to pray; in addition you might want to begin to start journaling a couple of times a week. Begin to search your heart about the things that burden your heart. What problem in the world would you love to solve? What groups of people are you most concerned about (i.e. seniors, children, women)? What do you love to do? What are your talents, skills, etc? In addition to your prayers, begin to ask yourself those questions and write your answers down. Use this as an opportunity to make some observations about yourself. Do this for a couple of weeks and revisit it. The answer usually lies somewhere in the information that you will be collecting about yourself.

We know that true faith requires some action (James 2:20); therefore do not take this task lightly. I believe God will begin to reveal to you exactly what you have been ordained to do. I commit to praying with you that your revelation comes sooner than later. Once you receive your revelation begin to pray for opportunities to put your purpose in action. Believe me, opportunities will come. 

May God bless you on your journey and please keep me informed on your progress.

Sincerely,

Wynter  L. Patterson

Feel free to share your thoughts.

Wynter Patterson: Wynter's Responses

Wynter Patterson: Wynter's Responses: "Hi Wynter...I am a servant of God, I've been in Ministry for a number of years, the last 2 1/2 have been extremely hard. In the last 2 1/2 y..."

I Don't Want to Write a Blog!!

Not long ago as I began to discover my purpose and understand my mission in life, I began to seek the advice of a mentor with a similar passion. Essentially we both embrace a desire to help God's people reach their fullest potential. She had already written 2 books, created a website and was continually coaching others to success, so I deemed her to be a pretty credible resource.

One morning we met for breakfast and I explained some of the things that God had placed on my heart. Her immediate response was, "you should start a blog." One problem: what is a blog??  Now before you shake your head at me, let me explain. Although I had read plenty of blogs, I had no idea how to write one, no desire to write one, and hardly a real understanding of what it was to be a blogger. Tweeting was easy, but blogging?!

My initial response was, "I don't want to write a blog." Instead of asking the questions I needed to ask, or doing the research, my first reaction was fear of the unknown.  She explained that blogging was a great tool to touch exponentially more people than you could ever reach by writing a book or a speaking engagement. Even after the explanation I was still fearful and asked for alternative suggestions.

In reviewing my reaction, and my reluctantly to start a blog (I received the suggestion nearly a year ago); I realized I was operating in fear. I didn't want to try something new because of my ignorance on the topic and my fear of rejection. After much prayer, I decided to follow my mentor's advice. After all, it's just a blog right? Lol.

Seriously, I had to let fear go in order to experience something new. Who knows who I will be blessed to connect with, how much I'll learn, or who will be blessed simply because I put fear aside.

I believe that many times we turn down opportunities because of fear. We don't dare to try new things because of fear. How many times have you almost ordered that exotic dish at a restaurant only to change your mind for fear of disappointment? If we're honest, it happens to the best of us on many different levels.  I'm so glad that I was able to overcome my fear and share my thoughts with you. The bible says that God has not given us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power! (2 Tim 1:7) 

I challenge you to evaluate your areas of fear. What fear is holding you back from pursuing your dreams? What ideas are prohibiting you from trying something new? As people of the Most High God we must recognize fear and put it aside because fear does not come from God. God has empowered us all to succeed, however at times it will require entering into unknown territory and taking calculated risks. I am committed to abolishing fear in my life.

What are your thoughts?

“You are His perfect creation, created for His glory!”